Once upon a time there were two little kids, one named Guoguo and one named Zhuanzhuan.
Because of an RP problem, Guoguo had been bitten by a wild dog when he was little, so there was a chunk missing from his face.
Zhuanzhuan had been multi-talented since he was small, and since his foundation was rock solid, he lived up to the name “Zhuanzhuan.”
Guoguo and Zhuanzhuan went to school together as kids and grew up together.
Time flew by, and both Guoguo and Zhuanzhuan grew up.
Because of his RP problem, even though his body grew up, the missing chunk of flesh was still gaping right there.
By sheer chance, Zhuanzhuan ran into a talented woman named MM.
MM worked in the entertainment industry, and before she fell into Zhuanzhuan’s arms she already had countless fans. Everyone who had seen MM’s shows said they were full of love. For a while, everyone took pride in being able to imitate MM’s talent showcases.
After MM and Zhuanzhuan met, they not only hit it off but also shared the same lofty ambitions. After they married they fought for supremacy in the dance world together, and even founded their own sect, “Ri Yi Ya.”
Every time Zhuanzhuan’s family put on a new show, they performed it on the stage built by the family of Guoguo, the one missing a chunk of his face.
The fans at large were also used to watching Zhuanzhuan’s family perform on the stage built by Guoguo’s family.
The fans at large preferred to buy the stages Guoguo’s family sold in order to learn Zhuanzhuan’s family’s dance moves and beats.
And so the two families worked together for many years.
Zhuanzhuan’s family performed on a great many stages, and Guoguo’s family sold a great many stages.
Over and over, again and again.
The fans had long since gotten used to it.
One day, Guoguo’s family invented a new kind of stage.
The once-bitten Guoguo felt that he no longer needed Zhuanzhuan’s family’s performances — that without relying on Zhuanzhuan’s family, his own family’s stage could sell just as many, oh so many.
Besides, plenty of Zhuanzhuan’s old fans had already learned the kung fu of the “Ri Yi Ya” sect, and there was no shortage of talent in dancing and singing.
So he had no intention of letting Zhuanzhuan’s family perform on it — he didn’t even send an invitation.
When Zhuanzhuan learned there was a new stage, he assumed Guoguo was simply absorbed in building the most gorgeous stage of all, working for the benefit of song-and-dance and folk-arts lovers the world over and for the cultural needs of the broadest masses of the people, and he didn’t give it a second thought.
Zhuanzhuan cheerfully led the whole family in rehearsing a new show, getting ready to perform on Guoguo’s new stage.
The Guoguo with a chunk missing from his face threw open training classes far and wide, drawing huge crowds of song-and-dance lovers to lose themselves on his stage; together they founded a new school, “Ai Fen Ya Po Si.”
Over the years, countless fans joined the “Ai Fen Ya Po Si” school, and every one of them had more than one “Aifen” stage.
For the sake of the new stage, Zhuanzhuan rehearsed new, gorgeous dance steps and harmonious melodies.
Zhuanzhuan kept preparing meticulously — for the new stage, and for new fans. So that more people could come up with new tricks.
A short while passed.
Incredibly, Guoguo once again, with a swiftness that left no time to cover your ears, steal the bell, or jingle all the way, ingeniously rolled out the “Aipade” stage: four “Aifen” stages taped together with adhesive tape.
Seen from a distance, the “Aipade” stage was a giant 囧 character — a truly magnificent sight.
Guoguo announced: “This is the ultimate misdirection (sorry, wrong word — dancing) experience!”
At this point, Zhuanzhuan publicly announced to the fans that he would soon come to perform on Guoguo’s new stage, and that more people would be able to learn to bring out the strengths of “Ri Yi Ya” on Guoguo’s new stage.
Fantastic!
Fans around the world cheered.
Zhuanzhuan even hung a time bomb on the World Wide Fishnet — sorry, my mistake — a countdown clock.
Counting down to the moment his glory would return.
A group of Zhuanzhuan’s “Ri Yi Ya” fans were having a party, singing “Always waiting, always waiting~ oh oh.” All of a sudden
the Guoguo with a chunk missing from his face released his fourth-generation dance training plan.
The plan conspicuously declared that Zhuanzhuan’s family’s dances were not allowed on “Aifen.”
The plan read:
Recently some lawless elements with ulterior motives, in a fit of madness, have raised the reactionary slogan “Zhuanzhuan loves Aifen,”
in a vain attempt to use hacking to create a situation in which Zhuanzhuan dances on Aifen, and thereby overturn the indisputable fact that “Aifen loves to the end — living or dead, we don’t want you.”
We, the broad ranks of training institutions, express our strong condemnation and deep anger at this.
Hereby,
on behalf of the broad masses of song-and-dance lovers, we once again reaffirm that our position on the “ultimate dance experience” will never change.
There is only one “ultimate dance experience” in the world.
Only what Guoguo’s family values is ultimate; only that is rich.
Any “Ri Yi Ya” that vainly tries to hack its way onto the “Aifen” stage is stealing resources and will be unstable. Such behavior goes against the will of the people!
We will not allow it. We will write it into the training agreement.
You are all doomed to fail in the end!
The story isn’t over yet…
I have absolutely no idea what any of the above means. It’s just that yesterday I dreamed I went climbing, and there on a high mountain peak was a strange stone. I finally scrambled up close and looked carefully, and found that the stone actually had characters on it, so I pulled out my notebook, wrote the text down, and weblogged it. It’s only a dream — don’t take it seriously. Any resemblance is purely a prank. I didn’t understand a word of it. Purely a tragedy.
[4.11 update:]
Sorry — last night my internet was about to go down, so I didn’t get to the main point.
Why did Guoguo decide not to let Zhuanzhuan and the people of the “Ri Yi Ya” school use his stage?
The truth is, Guoguo had long been using his stage to attract the elite of song and dance, raking in piles and piles of cash and popularity for himself,
and among those elites, of course, plenty had come up through “Ri Yi Ya” and other schools.
By now, Guoguo felt his elite was already huge and the world’s profits were rich and plentiful, and he didn’t want to change this money-raking situation.
Guoguo understood that he wasn’t just a stage seller — he wanted to take over the entire entertainment industry.
In the future, the most famous superstars would all have to be packaged by Guoguo.
But the “Ri Yi Ya” school under Zhuanzhuan was growing stronger by the day. Thanks to the foundation MM had laid back then, it had a huge membership spread across all kinds of stages around the world.
Watching his stages and his global training institutions grow bigger and bigger, Guoguo worried that if he let the “Ri Yi Ya” crowd in to stir things up, it would eat into his own power.
So Guoguo decided to go all the way, to fall out with Zhuanzhuan’s family sooner rather than later, and to demand that the dream-filled members of the “Ri Yi Ya” faction join the official “Ai Fen Ya Po Si” training institution — otherwise they would never get onto Guoguo’s stage.
Guoguo — the Guoguo with a chunk missing from his face — pulled out a killer move,
claiming that the dance moves of Zhuanzhuan’s “Ri Yi Ya” faction were terribly damaging to the stage, that they would shorten the stage’s service life, and that they could even cause all kinds of problems with the stage.
Oh! Now I get it!
Guoguo’s stage was indeed gorgeous, but it had a fatal flaw that made it, in some respects, less stable and durable than other stages —
because quite a few of Guoguo’s stages were held together with adhesive tape.
The “Ri Yi Ya” school had a great many members, with wildly varying levels of skill. Sure, there were quite a few “stage killers” among them, but those were just a minority of beginners.
Could Guoguo really be afraid of this small minority?
But I really can’t figure it out — Guoguo’s stage may be taped together, but it has its own protection mechanism —
when a dancer uses too much force, the stage automatically catapults the unlucky guy off to Mars.
So why, with that mechanism in place, is Guoguo still not reassured?
More and more voices of doubt.
Later Guoguo added: “The old model is already OUT!”
“Even if you show up in hazmat suits, you’re not welcome on my stage. What you’re doing is simply breaking the standard.”
I think I get it now.
Guoguo — the Guoguo with a chunk missing from his face —
go screw yourself!