I’ll be heading back to Shenzhen at the end of July 2011.
This time last year I was lamenting the lack of talent around me — having skills with no room to use them, having ideas with nobody to talk them over with. Then I set off, building projects I actually cared about alongside like-minded people in Shanghai.
A year went by in a flash, and it’s blazing July again. Our project has gotten somewhere. Time for the leaves to return to their roots.
I did once think about staying in Shanghai, but that was quickly ruled out as unrealistic. My mom has been traveling a lot this year: April and May in retreat, June touring China from north to south, and July off to another retreat… The pet shop downstairs has closed, so there’s nowhere to board our two cats, and we have to ask friends to come check on them. That situation made me realize something: it’s already hard enough to get the family together — why spread ourselves even thinner? If I were in Shanghai, pulling a salary far higher than in Shenzhen, I’d work myself to death all day, skip meals over a single bug, go out partying at night, stay up with friends until 3 a.m. because I couldn’t bear to sleep, exhausted day in and day out, running a physical deficit every single day… But if I work to stay alive, why would I kill myself for work? So right now, what I want isn’t to grind for money in this materialistic metropolis — it’s a stretch of stability. I want to go home and live with my family and my cats.
A while back, while browsing online, I stumbled across a few incredibly talented people in the south: rich life experience, brilliant writing, plenty of work experience already while still in school, their own distinctive taste and sharp takes on things — and some of them are involved in public-interest work. And the kicker: they’re younger than me. The new wave pushes the old one along, and all at once I had that deflating feeling of looking up at something out of reach. I like to think I’m pretty unflappable these days, and that I’m genuinely good at certain things, but I’ve realized I still have to break out of my shell and get to know more badass people — that’s what makes life interesting, far more important than just raking in money in a restless industry. If I could get to know a lot of people who are both exceptionally capable and doing public-interest work, my life would only just be starting to be glorious. So awesome. I have to make the most of this move back and carve out more time to explore new circles.